"Will you be YOUR valentine?"
- thewitch
- Feb 10
- 6 min read
Updated: Feb 8
Why self-love is so important in turbulent times!
Flipping the Script
It’s barely even February and the shops are already decked out in pinks and reds, the message being screamed at us from the media is “find love,” “keep love,” “seek THE ONE!”
But what if our one true love is actually the person we spend 24/7 with from birth until we die?
Maybe self love isn’t a consolation prize to being single, maybe it is the biggest love story we will ever get to write! Yet the world seems hell bent on making sure we are not allowed to do it.
Self-care isn’t selfish they say but if you display too much self-love then they say you are self-absorbed.
Are we doing ourselves and others we love a disservice if we do not truly love ourselves?
I say yes and in this post I will explain why it matter more now than ever!
Why "Self-Love" Matters More Now.
The world feels incredibly unstable right now, every day it seems like a new disaster is happening. Social media, news media, everywhere is screaming about the chaos. I’m not just talking about world politics, jobs markets or family finances! There is a pronounced shift in energy going on right now and it is unnerving.
In such times, who better to anchor you than yourself. If you know, trust and love yourself then you will always have a safe haven to return to, no matter the storm.
It is important to distinguish here between ‘Self care’ and ‘Self love.’ The former includes fancy baths and sweet treats but does not bring about the deeper connection to yourself.
Self care is like the icing on the cake once you have built the Self love relationship. Without the foundation of respect and boundaries for yourself then self care will only ever feel temporary or fleeting.
The Pillars of Being Your Own Valentine
Pillar 1 - Self talk:
How do you talk to your best friend when they make a mistake? Are you cruel, harsh, critical or do you try to help them feel better. Now compare that to your inner dialogue?
I know I wasn’t always so kind and loving to myself. I was my own worst critic! I’m still a little harder on myself than I would be with a friend and this is a pillar I am still working on, but I usually catch myself before I berate myself. It’s a learning curve though and there is some fake it until I make it going on!
When I first started my self love journey, I would stand in front of the mirror and tell myself nice things, I sure as heck didn’t believe them at that point. But if you hear something enough you eventually start to believe it and as I started to believe so I started noticing more and more of the wonderful things about me!
Pillar 2: Boundaries:
When you first start applying boundaries, whether that’s to your time, your energy or your body, it can feel very radical. Especially, if as many of us 90’s women were, you were brought up to please others.
It can be so hard to say NO when we feel that we ought to say yes. That society expects us to say yes, that it is our duty/job to say yes in order to make other’s lives easier…
But this is 2026, my lovelies, we are no longer serving others in ways that diminish ourselves. We are centring our self worth and meeting our own needs. We are saying NO to things that drain us and a whole hearted YES to things that nourish our minds, bodies and souls.
This could be saying Yes to a scoop of icecream in your smoothie, nourishing your body and your soul.
It could be saying NO to playground gossip that drains you daily. Put your headphones in and listen to what ever sets your heart alight instead!
What do you want to say yes to more and what can you sacrifice with a NO to allow you more time?
For me, the hardest boundaries to set were around my need for rest and solitude. As a late diagnosed autistic person, I always felt very lazy because I had higher rest needs. I was taught to praise myself for powering through and then berate myself for crashing. As a stay at home mum I also found it really hard to enforce this rest boundary with my kiddo, after all they expected me to always be there!
So, in an act of self love I wrote a sign for my bedroom door:
Muma is napping!
Unless the house in on fire or Ryan Reynolds is at the door, ask Dad for any help you need!
As I was settling under my weighted blanket I heard footsteps on the stairs… then they stopped, a pause and then a little chuckle before the footsteps retreated down the stairs. My husband was home and fully capable of parenting while I took a nap.
This note was the turning point for me being able to meet my rest needs without
a) being disturbed and
b) feeling guilty!
Pillar 3: Mindful Solitude:
Taking yourself on a date might feel totally ridiculous to start with!
But it can be as simple as sitting in your car, by the sea, with a cup of coffee and just being in the moment. Or sitting under a tree in the park. Or even standing by a window, watching the rain fall whilst you are warm and safe indoors!
It’s the act of being in the moment, with yourself, no distraction, feeling everything (including any discomfort this might bring up,) that is important here. Just like on a date with another person, you would want to get to know them, a date with yourself is about learning who YOU are.
My favourite date I took myself on was to see the Barbie movie. My kiddo was too young to fully appreciate it at the time, although we did watch it together a year or so later. I got all dressed up in pink, bought myself an iced latte and sausage bap (our cinema has a Costa coffee on site,) rolled my chair back pulled my blanket over my legs and allowed myself to be fully immersed in the story. I literally cried when the mum gave her soliloquy about what it means to be a woman! I don’t think I was the only one, either.
The Self-Love Rituals:
Below are three small rituals for you to try out as you begin working towards the three pillars above…
Digital Detox:
Switch off for an hour, even half an hour. Leave your phone in another room, grab a book, a craft, any analogue activity really. Immerse yourself in that activity, be in the moment with it. Being away from all the noise of the digital world can be a much needed relief and teach us much about ourselves.
Sensory Joy:
Do you have a favourite scent, a favourite texture or even song? How about a favourite colour? Spend 15 minutes exploring these things, finding out your own preferences. Maybe visit a perfumery? Or take a walk down the soft furnishings aisle of your local supermarket – there will definitely be textures you love and those you hate! Take some time to listen to the radio, try new stations, different genres than your usual. Focus on how the music makes you feel. You might even find a new favourite song!
The "Vow":
This is such a simple ritual but it directs your focus on your relationship with self.
Grab some nice letter paper (or the best paper you have in your home,) and your most special or fancy pen. Get comfy, make sure you can write easily where you are sat.
Now, think about a promise or “a vow” you can commit to for the next year, with a focus on improving your relationship with yourself. For example:
“I promise to take myself on a date once a month.”
“I promise to speak kindly to myself everyday.”
“I promise to honour my favourite colour daily.”
Once written, keep it somewhere where you will see it daily. This could be taped to your mirror, stored in your jewellery box, kept in your wallet or used as a bookmark in your journal. The important thing is that you see it daily and are reminded to keep your promise to yourself.
Conclusion: The Long-Term Relationship
Your relationship with yourself is the only relationship you can take control of, learning to love yourself means you will know your worth and that worth will shine for all to see.
Loving yourself means you will always be loved, even in dark times, turbulent times and chaotic times. You will be able to trust in yourself to always come through for you.
February 14th is just one day, if you are lucky you will get 80+ of them in a lifetime but what about the other 29,220+ days that make up a life time. Fostering self love on all the days of your life if the only way to write the most truly epic love story you can. You owe it to yourself to try.
Self-love makes you better equipped to love others and handle the turbulence of the world.
If you are looking for magical tools to support your self love journey you will find:
and custom spell work in the online shop
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